


Undone

by einsame_kriegerin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-13 22:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5719099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/einsame_kriegerin/pseuds/einsame_kriegerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean comes to the rescue, but he isn't really focused...<br/>some long suppressed feelings are stirring his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undone

**Author's Note:**

> Just to make it clear: English isn't my mother tongue, I hope that isn't too obvious here.  
> To everything else we'll get in the End Notes.  
> For now... Enjoy!

“Come on, Cas. Open up wide and swallow down deep. We have to GO!” Dean had already tossed the bottle aside and was pulling on the so familiar trench coat to get the battered angel up, when Cas leaned to the side and threw up right before Dean’s feet. With a raw voice the angel asked, “What – in all hell – was that?” Looking up again into the angel’s face, his bruised lips, his swollen eyes, so he couldn’t even see the beautiful blue colours normally locking with his own green, he thought that this was the worst situation he’s ever seen the angel in. It was like no spoonful of sugar could make it sweet, but nevertheless – nevertheless he felt his heart rise. He had his angel back. “Dean?”, Cas’ voice was getting him back to his senses. “Never mind. Let’s move.” Supporting the angel and carefully maneuvering through the room he only hoped there were no more incidences on the way out. He would not lose his angel. The fear he felt since Castiel had vanished and he’d finally found his track again, it was like a cancer inside, stealing his sleep. Night after night it kept haunting him. He probably hadn’t slept in a week. In something akin to a trance he led the angel out of the room into a labyrinth of hallways and down the fastest path out of this place.

Halfway on their way out a voice echoed from the walls behind them, a voice so clear of all emotion it could only be another angel. “We found the bodies.” Straightening up a little, Dean prepared himself and answered. “Well then, what do you want? I thought torturing one of your kin would be beyond you but here we are.” He secretly handed Castiel an angel blade and hoped that he was at least ready to defend himself, then he let go of him and they turned around facing two grim looking angels with their weapons drawn. “Nothing is beyond us if the world is at stake. We needed this traitor to tell us where you and your brother are. But since you did us the courtesy to come right here...” The rest was left unsaid but Dean knew already this was an ‘us-or-them’-situation, kill or be killed. He would not risk the life of his angel, so he flung himself into his enemies. It was a quick fight, even with his mind not into it he finished off the first of the pair in no time. Just when he turned around he felt his heart skip a beat. Then he ran the other angel down, who was hovering over Castiel preparing the killing blow. Of course the angel did struggle, but that was nothing Dean couldn’t handle. “The others are coming.”, were his last words before Dean ran him through with his blade. And after the blinding white light indicating another angel’s death it was dark and quiet again in the abandoned hallways. For now.

Back at Cas’ side he took the angel’s face into his hands, feeling his skin and running his fingers through his dark, messy hair. “Cas? Cas! Can you hear me? Are you alright? Cas?” For a moment his life was empty, meaningless, his heart was heavy. Not Castiel. Not his angel. It could not be. The secrets he kept were tearing him up inside. He tried to hide them for so long, but now he wondered why. He wondered why he’s still running from it when he knew there’s no escaping. Then the angel spoke, “Yes Dean, I’m alright.” Getting up and pulling Cas with him, Dean pushed his feelings aside. Not the time. Never the time, Cas is an angel dammit. “Then get your lazy ass up, we need to hurry. Do you manage?” For another second the angel looked like he was going to topple over and play dead for an hour, then he pulled himself together. Dean nodded and jogged ahead, sure that Cas would follow. He led him out of the building and got him into the 67’ Chevy Impala parking outside. Like always his baby would get them away from there as fast and far as possible.

He drove an hour in silence, thinking about just how close it came today to losing Cas. He didn’t know what he would do without the angel in his life. Then Cas finally disturbed his thoughts with his calm voice. “Thank you, Dean. For saving me – again.” “Forget about it.”, the answer came promptly and adding, “Couldn’t let you tell them about the bunker, right?”, he bit his lip. He wondered why he always had these responses on his lips when there were actually nicer things to say. He’d fall on his knees, he’d definitely fall on his pride, if he’d be tripping over all the times he’d lied. Glancing sideways the wry smile on Cas’ lips told him enough to hate himself even more. This angel was too good for him. Changing the direction of the conversation and his trail of thought he said, “I should never have let you go alone. Next time you tell us and you call for back-up if something seems off. Hell! Next time I’ll just go after you if I don’t hear from you every day.” “Dean –“, the opposing undertone was easy to hear, maybe Castiel really spent too much time down here. But Dean was already asking ‘Please’ and he could see in his eyes, Castiel didn’t need tears for alibis, he was really glad to have someone looking after him. Although Dean wasn’t sure he was the best choice for that, it seemed they were all they had. Especially since Castiel had chosen them – him and his brother Sam – over his own brothers and sisters, the host of angels. So it was only the three of them, two hunters slash Men of Letters and an angel. Against what – hordes of demons and now the angels too, Dean didn’t even want to think about it. Cas really seemed to love God’s handiwork so much, he loved humankind so much, that he was still with them. So it must be true what they say, love must be blind. That’s why he was still standing by the sinner’s side, was still by his side, when all the things he did have left the angel bleeding. Bleeding and hurt and nearly dead – that’s what he got from siding with the Winchesters. Looking the angel up and down, seeing the blood spills on the suit and coat, the tears in the fabric, Dean wasn’t sure he could take that any longer. These sacrifices the angel made, this futile fight, it wasn’t what Dean wanted for Cas. He and Sam that was a different story, but the angel was innocent. He couldn’t let it come to another time like this, where he was rushing in to save the angel in the last moment. It needed to stop.

For the last half an hour Dean wasn’t even driving somewhere in particular, he was just driving. Now he pulled up at the side of the road, finally stopping. Minutes passed in silence before he found words – not the words he wanted to say but also true words –, “I don’t think I can drive it home tonight.” “Do you want me to...?” “No, no, Cas, I mean... this isn’t going to work.” The uncomprehending look on the angel’s features was nothing new and Dean answered it with the same irritated tone as ever. “You? Risking your life? For us? It has to stop, Cas.” “No, Dean, shut up. Maybe this works with Sam, but you cannot make these decisions for me. I’m not doing this for you, I’m not doing this for anyone. It is just the right thing to do. Besides... I actually don’t know what I’d do without you, Dean.” The genuine smile on his still a little bloody but healed face made Dean’s heart race. Nearly voiceless he said, “I can’t lose you, Cas.” “I know.”

They both fell quiet after that, somehow stuck in the semi-revelation of their feelings. The silence was too loud for both of them. And as Dean tried to get in a more comfortable position to sleep in for the rest of the night, Cas put his arm on the backrest. Clearing his throat but accepting Cas’ suggestion, he thought ‘Well, I don’t think I wanna be alone tonight, so who cares.’ And Dean leaned in onto Cas’ chest, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his own leather jacket for warmth. He just hoped this wouldn’t be the most awkward morning and drive home he’d ever had. Still with Cas’ arm around him, the smell of blood, leather, his baby and everything else that they just were, he felt oddly safe and pleased. In the moments before he fell asleep he thought that it was good to come undone for once. Maybe sometimes surrender is stronger, at least when there are no enemies to fight than your own feelings. It was good to know that he didn’t need to be the hero tonight. Yes they were both fighters, soldiers in some sense but... we all want love, we all want honor. It’s hard to keep the balance; nobody wants to pay the asking price.

 

And tonight nobody had to.

**Author's Note:**

> Now since there aren't as much editing options as in Word, I'm just going to tell you instead of showing you:
> 
> I challenged myself here to write a story based exactly on the lyrics of a song.  
> The only modifications I made are to only use the chorus once  
> and to change the pronouns throughout the whole lyrics accordingly.  
> The song I used as inspiration is, as the title already says, "Undone" from FFH.
> 
> I hope you liked it and thank you for reading. Best wishes


End file.
